I cried in the bathroom this morning, heartbroken.

He is intelligent, attractive, immensely enjoyable to spend time with.
We have so much in common.
It's only been 4 months since I met him, but I feel like I've known him for longer.
I never thought I would ever meet meet someone like this, the kind of person many people have told me would be just the kind of guy they could imagine me being with.
The kind of person I thought I should be with too.

I am in my twenties, unsure and searching.
I am restless and looking for adventures, but also independence.
I have a lot of affection to give.
I require immense amounts of attention.
I want someone to share my life with, a soul mate and partner-in-crime.
I want so badly for him to like and respect me.
But I need a lot, someone who will hold me together.

He is in his thirties.
He is very settled in his routine.
He often needs time alone, without me.
He asked me the other day not to "suffocate" him.
He doesn't always answer his phone.
He lives at his parents' house.
He has no plans to move out anytime soon.

There is a boy out there who already loves me unconditionally and wholeheartedly.
Who is willing to do anything for me and often has.
He always answers his phone, no matter what time it is.
I love his soul but am not attracted to his body.
He can be controlling and unreasonable, but he understands me more than anyone else in the world.

What the hell am I doing?

We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come. - Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being