"Counting My Blessings," as Anna said...

Not to sound arrogant, but sometimes it feels like everyone wants a piece of me. But I only want to give pieces of myself to certain people. I swear this weekend has been catch-up central. It was Shara's wedding, which made me realize that while they were good friends, the only one I really care to give my time to is Gina. Then today I saw Anna from Japan, which was emotionally cathartic, it was so amazing to be able to talk with someone who gets it completely: the difficulties, the ups and downs, the reality of the job market, the isolation, feeling restless and alone. I burst into tears when I saw her, not sad ones, but ones of relief. We met up in Berkeley at Local 123, a wonderful little coffee shop, and had lunch at Kabana, where Chris had taken me, as recommended by his co-worker Michael. Both of our priorities at this point are just to a) have a job, any job and b) to have a place of our own to live. It is so nice to have someone who understands. We have different things going on right now and different goals, but it's nice to know that is someone out there, and hey we might even be roommates if the time and price and location is right!

Drove from Berkeley to SF right after to meet up with Tim at the Whitcomb Hotel on Market, which made me feel really liberated and empowered, driving around and figuring my way around "the city" myself. We only met for an hour or so just to catch up and have coffee, but again it was nice to see someone from the Japan Era. Prior to today, I had only seen Brenna, and that was soon after I had gotten back so the depth of the reverse culture shock hadn't really set in yet. And then today I got to see two people. What a day!

It really made me re-evaluate who I want in my life. As I've said before, it doesn't make sense to have people who make me feel like shit in my life. So I shall cut them loose. However, people who are very important to me at this moment are:

Chris, my love (Anna said that she could tell that I was really happy, and you know what, I am. It took a bit of adjusting and a lot of giving and taking to get to this point, but he is so wonderful. Now I understand what people mean when they say that you just "know" that it's right. It just is and you can feel it.)

Becky, Brenna, Anna, Kitty, Natalee, without whom I would fall apart

Yukie, Katsue, Emi, Kyoko, who are the sweetest people in the world

Anyone from the Japan Era.

Gina

My sister

Leslie


These are the people I want to keep close to me. It is a small circle but I always desire quality over quantity. I will try to keep in touch better. I will try to maintain my relationships better. I will text and email back immediately or within a day. I will return phone calls by the end of the day or by the next day.

Was just thinking, there are SO MANY PEOPLE to be held accountable to, and there is only so much of me to go around, as mentioned before. I feel like real friends, the people who are the most true to you, will understand that life gets busy, and I will get to you I can. Just because I don't talk to you all the time doesn't meant I don't think about you or don't care about you, I'm just busy. And people who get all mad about it (i.e. Katie and my mom), can just deal with it. There are plenty of people out in the world who understand and care and are supportive. This is life. I love my JET friends and Japanese friends for understanding this the most, and that is what makes it difficult for me to tolerate people who don't understand. Life is too short to have to do things you don't want to do, hang out with people you don't want to hang out with, or do anything that makes you feel shitty and negative. So I am choosing to stay away from it, even if it makes people mad. They can go f*** themselves.

I will move out of my parents' house soon and reclaim my happiness and independence. I will be working for Regina soon and have a M-F, 8-6 job. I'm so close, I can feel it. Good things are coming soon.

P.S. Clean-out your Facebook people!!!