Transitory

I think spring is finally here after what seemed like an interminable winter. It's amazing how much blooming flowers and sunshine can change one's mood. For me, SUNSHINE = HAPPINESS. I was experiencing insane mood swings all winter long, ranging from what felt like deep depression to industrious motivation. But now that spring is here and the sun is shining, I feel like I can do anything.

A few days ago I went on my first run since I had mono last October. It was by no means long, but it felt amazing. I ran around my neighborhood and along the river behind my apartment complex and did what I'd been meaning to do since I got here, which was explore and map out and memorize every street and path and sacred little space. A lot of people think this is really strange or maybe just overly meticulous, but when I get to a new place, I feel like there's a map in my mind that is full of black areas that need filling in. Filling in those black areas gives me a sense of security and comfort, and I think one of my favorite things to do is follow a street, get lost, and then find my way again. It's really important to me to know how to get around.

So I went for about a 20 minute run around my neighborhood, and it felt so good to feel my muscles work again. I saw a lot of little things that made me happy while I was running too. There was an old lady sitting on the edge of a rice paddy lot while her fluffy Akita puppy sniffed around the fallow ground, and she smiled at me and said something about nice weather. I saw the first cherry blossom blooms in my neighborhood on a skinny little tree, but the vibrant, voluminous pink blossoms were a definite sign that spring is here, or mostly here. I ran past an impromptu shrine to Buddha decorated with plastic flowers and a offering cup full of uncooked rice. A neighbor put up huge 5 carp kites on a flag pole, colored blue, orange, and red, and gilded with gold scales, each billowing in the wind and representing a member of his family.

This is where the transience I keep talking about comes in. I've finally realized that transience, impermanence, and change are indelible and learning to how to deal with it is an important aspect of living and being human. Time passes so quickly and things change so often. There are two ways to deal with this: become detached so that one doesn't feel the pain of change or experience deeply and emotionally, enjoy things while you can, and honor those things by remembering them or giving them a proper send off. I've decided to strive for the latter.

Anyway, I didn't have my camera while I was running, and it was dusk by the time I finshed, so I decided that I would go for a run again the next day, camera in tow, to take pictures of all those great little things I saw so I could share them all with you. But the next day, I woke up and it was pissing it down and I partly disappointed and partly not surprised. The day after that, the sun was shining again, so I went for a walk thinking I could take those pictures. But the cherry blossoms had fallen during the rain and now green leaves were sprouting from the branches. The shrine to Buddha was wind-lashed and unkempt. My neighbor had taken down the carp banners to protect them from the rain. So I guess you'll just have to imagine.

Springtime brings not only a change in the weather, but in my school life as well. March is the end of the school year and the fiscal year in Japan, so right now my students are on haruyasumi (spring vacation). The way the public school system works in Japan is that teachers get assignments from the Board of Education and can be moved at will, whether they like it or not. Some teachers get moved around often, some stay at a school for up to 7 years, it's all in the cards. The teachers who will leave find out a week before they have to pack up and go. It's a very matter-of-fact process that I'm not sure if I like. Shiomura-sensei explained to me that this is done so that the good teachers get spread around and can be shared by all the students. She said that it's a fair system, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they like it either. But in Japan, it is rare for people to fight against the system, so even if they don't like it, they just accept their duty and keep their feelings inside.

I was devastated to find out who was leaving. Nakamura-sensei, my ichinensei English teacher, came up to me last week and knelt by my desk with a very serious look on his face. He told me that he found out he was leaving, but not to another school. There's this thing here in Japan called chouki shakai taiken kenshu, which translates out something like "long term social work experience." Teachers who have been teaching for 10 years or more and have held no other jobs are required at some point in their career to experience another profession. This essentially means that Nakamura-sensei will work for one year in a randomly chosen profession other than teaching. He's been assigned to work as a shopkeeper/cashier at the Jusco grocery store a couple of towns over. Though the concept is interesting, the situation infuriates me. Nakamura-sensei is hands down the best English teacher I've worked with so far, and I feel like his talent and training are going to waste for a year. He's done a fabulous job with this year's ichinensei by teaching them how to build English sentences instead of just memorize them, and because of that, their conversation and writing skills are phenomenal. I was really looking forward to working with him again to continue to hone their English, and we had already made so many plans for lesson ideas and motivators. He's really upset by this new assignment as well, but he says there's nothing he can do, it's an order. So for one year, Nakamura-sensei will be ringing up and bagging groceries.

This doesn't bode well for English here at Ogawa Chugakko. On top of that, Fukushima-sensei is pregnant and will be leaving in July to have her baby. Shiomura-sensei and I had a serious discussion about how this year is going to go, with only the two of us as holdovers from last year, and with two subsitute teachers taking over the other positions. I'm really going to have to step it up, but I'm up to the challenge. It was really motivating to hear from Shiomura-sensei that they "need" me and that she's glad I'm staying a second year to keep some continuity. It definitely validated my decision to stay.

So in April, we'll begin a new school year with new teachers and some new challenges. Everything about life is transitory, everything changes. And even though I don't like change and I hate saying goodbye to people and things, I've learned that I have to just go with it and be flexible. I think that's probably something I've gotten really good at while being here in Japan, being flexible. With all the things I've encountered this year, from feeling lost when I don't understand Japanese, to being in the hospital sick with mono, and just generally feeling out of control of things, the best thing to do is to shrug your shoulders and let things happen and just play along. Before I left the States my dad advised me one day while I was seriously stressing out, "take things one at a time," and I think that's probably the most useful advice I've gotten for living in Japan (and life in general, really) besides "always wear clean socks without holes in them, because you'll be taking your shoes off really often."

Despite all these changes I think I've finally started to feel absolutely comfortable and content in my environment. I have figured out exactly what my role at work is, my personal life is stable, and I have definite goals for the rest of my time in Japan. Of course, since everything changes, I'm sure I'll be depressed and complaining in a few weeks, but for now I'm happy and trying to savour it.

Most exciting thing come up is that MY FAMILY IS COMING TO VISIT!!! My mom, dad, and Geng will be in Japan from next Thursday and I'm stoked. They'll spend a few days here in Kumamoto with me, then we'll take the bullet train to Kyoto, then finish up in Tokyo. Pictures and stories to come, of course!