When I think of 3 years, a million memories rush through my mind, all those new adventures, all the places I visited, everything I've seen, everyone I've met, everything I've learned, all the dizzying highs and heartbreaking lows, the accomplishments I worked so hard for, and how much I have irrevocably changed and grown. I remember very clearly flying to Japan and landing in the Tokyo Narita Airport, going through a whirlwind high-class orientation, flying to Kumamoto, and driving to my new home with my new superiors. It's so clear, and really doesn't feel like that long ago.
And despite the fact that I am soon to return home to a broken economy, to go back to living with my parents for a while, with no particular job lined up, very little money saved, lots of credit card debt, and a million anxieties about returning to a place I've been away from for 3 years (but felt like a blink of an eye), I feel a strange calm about the prospect of being able to slow down for the first time in a long time, properly digest and meditate on the past 3 years, pare down my belongings with the newly acquired insight of a woman who has come to realize that life is transitory and so are material things, get a job (any job that doesn't involve teaching), save money, and get my life in order. I feel very ready to finish saying goodbye to my life in Japan (properly, of course) and start the slow and sacrificial process of getting myself financially stable.
I have a feeling this will not be the first and last time I live abroad though; I realized/decided tonight that I need to live abroad again, at least one more time, so that I can compare the experiences, continue to grow, and keep the adventures coming. This blog is not called "Wanderlust Annals" for no reason; despite being broke, it really is an addiction. There will always be somewhere to go, something new to explore. As one of the speakers at the Yokohama Returner's Conference I went to in March said (something that has stuck with me and rises to the surface when I find myself in emotional tatters or bittersweet nostalgic reverie clinging to Japan, this cherished nascent experience: "Japan isn't everything...there is a big world out there."
Tibet with Natalee, The Trans-Siberian Railroad through Russia and Mongolia, anywhere in Europe, other destinations that I haven't even thought of yet which fate has waiting for me...here I come. I just hope that Japan doesn't feel like it was a dream, as it has every time I've flown home before, touched down, and walked through the gates at SFO. I don't know why it feels like that. But, for the record, it wasn't a dream...it was 3 years of preparing me for the rest of my life as an adult and international citizen. There's no going back now.
Thank you, Japan. ３年間お世話になり、本当にありがとうございました。心からの感謝は、言葉になれない。
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