And Back Down Again...

Fuck, I am an emotional rollercoaster. Just yesterday I was feeling fantastic, spending time with my boy and going for a run on a beautiful day. Today, I get off of work and my boy wants to veg out at home. Even Steve doesn't want to talk. I am alone with my thoughts and with boredom, lacking the motivation to do anything productive after a shift at work. I wanted to go out, even just to get some Tap Ex or something, but a) I'm trying not to spend money and b) I'm trying to cut back on unnecessary eating. Or I wanted to see my boy. Instead I'm sitting at home trying to talk to my ex and feeling really fucking antsy. I wish I had my own place. I think that's all it really comes down to, as it always does when I feel like this, when I slow down and have too much time to myself. I want my own place and companionship. More money wouldn't hurt either. It hurts me when Chris doesn't want to hang out. I hate being alone in my childhood room surrounded by all my shit with nothing to do. I am not fucking happy right now. Maybe this is why I try to stay busy so much, so I don't have to stop and think and be alone with my thoughts? This fucking bites.